She's here, and she's perfect.

A Woman among women

I just went back and re-read my "name revealing" post and it dawned on me that I never elaborated on the middle name we have chosen!  

Louise.

This is my Nanny's name, it's actually her middle name, but Louise is the only name she's ever gone by.

Now I know that grandchildren tend to only see the very best qualities in a grandparent.  They are not the ones who dole out discipline, guilt trips, chores, punishments etc...In fact I have a specific memory of telling my mother how lucky I thought she was because Nanny was her mom!  I was informed that she was a little different as a mother than a grandmother :)  But the point is, when you really get to know your grandparent, they are mature, they have lived through 50-60 years of real life.  Of trial, or sucess, of failure.  They are wise, they know that life passes quickly and people matter most, they are mature Christians truly living what they preach.

When I pray for Hannah, as I did for Will, I would go through each family member and ask God to bless my child with the very best of what our genes could offer.  Here's a snippet, I love our families and this is by NO means the only good trait I see from each of them....

From my mother, graciousness & strong will to do right.  My father, work ethic and honesty.  My brother, mind blowing intelligence.  Grannie, generosity.  My husband, his logic and selflessness.  John's mother, benevolent heart and zeal.  His father, kindness toward others.  His brother, independent spirit. 

But Nanny is my hero.  She is such a good natured person.  She is so kind, so gentle, so loving and tenderhearted.  She has a child like faith with a silver crown of maturity.  She would be embarrassed at this, but she doesn't own a computer.  One of my favorite things about staying at her house is every night, I can hear her prayers through the wall.  I can't hear her words, but I hear her emotion.  I hear her getting up off her knees when she is finished.  I know of the countless lives she has touched through her dedication to world bible school and prison ministries.  I know of her ability to bring smiles to others through her kind words and deeds.  I know her involvement and dedication to the Lord's church has provided her with as close of a family as you can possibly have.  She has been as much of a role model to me as my own mother has.  

I am honored to have a child that will share her name.  I pray daily that she will also share many of her traits. 

Allllllll day.

The mind of a child.  

It's taught me so much about the purity and simpleness I think God desires from us.  To be content with just the basics, to love with your whole self and to know that complete security comes from your caretaker.

Several weeks ago Will came up with the question "But when is she going to leave?  How is she going to go away?" in reference to the arrival of his new baby sister (in less than 3 wks now!!).  I was disappointed, we've been talking about her, preparing her room, I guess I never made it clear to his little 3 yr old mind that she would be living with us for the next 18 years, give or take.

So we went on and talked about how families operate and how she would be staying with us her "whole life" just like Will.  That once you have a brother or sister, you have them forever.  Since then, when Will is in a really content situation, and I think trying to express to me his feelings, he'll say "Mommy, I gonna stay with you allllllll day!"  He stretches out the "all" in the cutest way.  The first time he told me that, I almost cried when I realized what he was trying to get across.  It's the most heart-felt thing he's ever come up with on his own.

Sometimes he elaborates and includes daddy, or he'll reverse it and say "you gonna stay with me" all day.  To him, a day is a long time.  The fact that he can verbalize, using his own free will, that he wants to spend it with me, makes my heart want to bust.  I love that kid.  I know the day will come when he doesn't want to stay with me, but for now, that is a lifetime away.

Some Questions

I have a new favorite blog to follow, and just because it's fun, I'm using a bit of today's naptime to answer some questions she posted instead of doing the zillion other things I should be doing.

Oh, and I'm also "buttercreaming" everything in sight.  I found some in the back of my fridge (5-6 wks old, that's not too sketchy for an 8 months pregnant lady to be messing with, right??)

Here's the list:

1. Why won’t Christina Aguilera just cover it up already?

My theory: clinging to her youth, trying to get some positive press, low self esteem??  But that's what I say about all "immodest dressers".

2. If Dirk Nowitzki asked you to play him in a game of basketball, would you jump at the chance or decline to prevent eventual humiliation?

I would say, lets see who can score 3 baskets.  No need to play to 20 or whatever they play to when it's 1 on 1.  I'm not stupid, I can't even make a shot when no one is blocking me!  But it would be interesting to get a feel for his super human skills in person!!  Same reason that I would take on Michael Phelps in a swim meet.  Or when people ask me what Olympic Sport I would compete in if I HAD to choose one, I always say "Long jump.  On skis." 

3. Do you think dogs know the difference between male and female humans?

Absolutely they do. 

4. If everyone in the world agreed to shave their heads, would you be happy or upset that you would be expected to do the same?

That's a tough one.  It would be so liberating to have one less thing to mess with each day.  And I don't like being "off trend"....So I guess I'm in.  Call me a lemming.  But hey, it grows back so whatever.  

5. Are you getting enough fiber? Are you??

Uhhhhh....what I don't get in fiber, I make up for in miralax.  Hey, I'm pregnant!!!  I have a person sitting on my gi tract...

6. Do you feel that your own sex or the opposite sex has more advantages in our day and age?

Depends on where you're needing the advantage.  Career, def males.  Sad but true, I've seen it happen time and time and time again.  In other areas, say, at the oil change place, I got a free car wash, an upgrade to premium service and about a million apologies when the manager saw that I pulled my own car around to the back.  Even though a month earlier they insisted my husband do the same thing.  Also being pregnant gets you a lot of perks.   Now this is all in the South, too, where I firmly believe chivalry will not die.

7. If the world voted to deem weeds as “beautiful,” like flowers and trees, would you be happy or upset?

SO happy!!  I'm sick of paying for a lawn service!!  It's all green people!!! 

8. If Facebook and Twitter suddenly went away, how would this impact you? In other words, how engrained or ungrained are they in your life? Would you suddenly have very few friends, or the exact same number as before?

Real friends, same.  Source of information on my 5th grade crush...greatly diminished :(

9. Which stage of the mourning process are you in regarding Oprah’s exit from her TV show? Be honest.

I can honestly say I've never watched a full episode...could not care less. 

10. If someone fist-bumped you, would you a) fist-bump them back, b) ask why that person is such an awful punch thrower, or c) tell them it’s probably better to keep their hands to themselves at all times?

A. Unless it was from my Nanny or something.  But I'm really not the type of person who attracts a bump.  

11. I believe there are two types of people in the world: those who are generally mentally energized after being around people and those who are generally mentally exhausted after being around people. Which are you?

Energized.  Aka, extrovert.  I will wilt like a flower if left alone too long.  I'm a "talks to strangers" type of gal.  My husband, total opposite.

Enjoy!!  Please feel free to re--post with your own answers on your blog!!

Confession.

There was a bucket (a literal bucket) of candy at work today.  A lot of it was Reeses PB cups.  The minis.  How can I resist!  I ate a bunch at work, and being the sweet, thoughtful wife that I am, grabbed a handful (like, 8!)on my way out the door for John.

Well it's 3:47 and they're gone :(

I had to tell someone.  

And I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog...

Just an update

I am 34 weeks now, I have been absolutely terrible about taking pictures this time around :(  I think it's mental, I mean, you really don't want to remember your body like this.  Also, the laziness factor!!  Once my rear hits the couch, it takes a mighty powerful urge to move it!!

I have had way more braxton hicks contractions this time around and for some reason I think she might be coming a little early.  Not sure why.  I was also sure she was a boy though, so who knows about "mother's intuition"!!!

I've started weekly Non Stress Tests, just a 30-60 min appointment where they hook me up to the monitors and have me note when I feel movements.  I kind of like them because I just lay down by myself in a quiet room and feel my sweet baby girl.

I  have about 2-3 more weeks of shots left, yipeeee!!  In the meantime, I'll leave you with this near-professional photograph, there was so much going on in this picture...

My Dream Day...

Some of you may know, I am a part time stay at home mom (SAHM) and a part time technical designer at Dillards.  I love having one foot in each world!  2 days a week during the school year I take care of another little boy who is 9 months younger than Will.  They are such good buddies, but typical of kids their age, they bicker a LOT!

Mostly harmless stuff:

"Mine!"

"I had it first!"

"NOOOOO!"

Most days when I've had both, I just collapse after 8:00 pm (bedtime!)...I feel so exhausted!

Yesterday was different, it was "my dream day" as a SAHM!  Let me give you a rundown:

7:00 Will wakes up

7:45 Pman arrives

8:00 Breakfast

8:15-12:00 Blissful playtime filled with things like chasing balloons around, playing cars, watching minimal tv, eating snacks...almost zero fighting.  Oh, and I managed to get 4 loads of laundry done in this time!  FOUR!!

12-1: Nutritious happy lunch (no food throwing, no tears, both plates cleaned...)

1-3:30: NAPS!!  In this time, I cleaned and organized the entire toy room, folded all FOUR loads of laundry, did ALL the dishes and started dinner.

3:30-4:30 More fun playing!  Snacks, much more balloon chasing, hugs, giggles and laughter...I was in heaven!

It's so nice to have days like that when you don't feel totally spent at the end.  I felt like supermom :)  It was great.

More to donate??

I'm on a roll, I just found out last week that Arkansas now has a Cord Blood Donation Bank!

When we had Will, we looked into private banking, but it's just sooo expensive!  And who knows if you'll ever even need it, and when do you make the decision to stop payments and wash it down the sink??  At that point there was no public bank you could donate to.  We wondered why...

But now, little ol' Arkansas has their own donation bank right here in Little Rock!  Once they get enough donations they'll be linked to the national donation bank.  And it's free, so if you need it, it's there waiting, but if someone else can use it, it could save a life of a stranger!

To learn more, go here!!

February!

Be the match

Several years ago, I was made aware of a family whose precious little baby was diagnosed with Leukemia at the age of 8 weeks.  They moved to Memphis and were patients of St. Jude's for over a year.  During this year, we prayed, raised awareness, and had a bone marrow search drive. 

I was so hopeful about the drive.

I think this family and all the supporters across the nation added over 10,000 donors to the official Bone Marrow Registry list.  None of them were even close matches.

Their baby boy lost his battle shortly after his first birthday.  

Since that encounter, I have been aching to be the match for someone.  

I donate blood (when I'm not pregnant) but people don't die because they can't find a blood donor...

Did you know that less than 40% of the population is eligible to donate blood?  And of that number, only about 5% of them donate?

I would donate an organ to anyone who asked, especially a family member.

But today, I was contacted by the National Bone Marrow Registry as a possible match for a patient.  I was so excited, hopeful, anxious...then it hit me.  I'm pregnant!  No doctor would take that kind of a risk on a pregnant woman and her baby!  Even to save someone else.  I told the person on the phone how far along I was, she very kindly talked me into putting myself into "unavailable" status...I felt horrible.  I asked her what would happen if of the other preliminary matches, I turned out to be the closest.  She said the patient would probably pursue another form of treatment, and if that didn't work, might return to the registry to try and find another match.  Maybe months down the road.

What if it were me?  My husband?  My parent?  That desperatly needed fresh bone marrow?  But the match was just out of reach.  Please join me in praying for this family and the doctors making decisions for them.  I am so willing to help, just crushed that I'm not able.

The good news is, I have 30 more eligible years on the registry, so who knows.  

If you would like to join the registry, it's totally free and simple.  Go here:

http://marrow.org/Join/Join_the_Registry.aspx

You will be asked to fill out a questionnaire, then a kit will mailed to your house for you to swab your cheek with.  No needles!  (of course if you are a match...big needles....)

If you are between the ages of 18 and 61, please consider joining today!!

For this child I have prayed.

I Samuel 1:27

I love it when I see this verse snippet on birth announcements, on walls of nurseries or anywhere else.  I think most of us pray for our children, pray to have them, pray for them to be healthy, to have a relationship with God, the list is literally endless.

But in I Samuel, Hannah prayed.  She prayed for years.  In that culture, her friends didn't assume, oh, she's focused on her career right now, they'll have kids later.  Or, they are just really enjoying the couple-y time of their marriage, they're going to wait a few years.  No, back then, everyone who knew Hannah, knew she was barren.  They figured she or her family had done something to displease God and he had simply closed her womb.  She was a freak, an outsider, she no longer had anything in common with any other women in town.  Hannah felt alone.  She felt she had failed her husband despite his sweet words telling her otherwise.

Then one year, Eli heard her prayer, prayed on her behalf, and the Lord Almighty used this barren woman to fulfill his will.  She finally gave birth to a boy named Samuel.  

In our Sunday school class we talked about how God meets us at our shortcomings.  What we consider weaknesses and failings, He uses to His glory.  How else could God truly shine but to take things that are broken by human standards and make miracles appear from them?  

We all have barren times in our life.  We have days that we think we can't go on.  But if we let God, he will use those times to not only draw us closer to Him, but to draw in others as well.

Almost a year ago today I lost a little baby.  My second.  And while I am great-big-pregnant right now, I had a moment today where the sadness washed over me and tears came to my eyes remembering that night, all the emotions, all the horrible feelings.  One thing sticks out, I remember the nurse I was on the phone with praying with me.  She was so comforting.  She had lost a baby once too and she prayed with me.  Words so specific to what I felt inside, no one else could have known.  

I spent the next 6 months grieving and praying.  Not sure if I'd be able to pick myself up again if the unthinkable were to occur again.

Then one night while driving home alone, and praying, I felt this confidence.  I was all in.  If God would bless me with another pregnancy, I would rely on others.  I would ask for prayers.  I would be hopeful and not fearful.  I would push the what-ifs away and focus on the hope.  

Where I can't, God can.

I believe God has used my "barren" period of time to His Glory.  My faith has increased, my relationships have increased.  I have been able to make myself more vulnerable than ever before.  AND, I have been blessed enough to be that voice on the other end of the line.  I have been that shoulder, and I plan to be for the rest of my life.  I thank God profusely for that.  

So having said all of this, the inspiration of this passage, not to mention countless other "broken" people that God has made stronger through their human weaknesses, we are going to name our daughter Hannah Louise.  A tribute to 2 amazing women.  More on Louise later :)

She likes me!

Remember those first days of school?  Trying to start up a conversation with someone who you think looks normal, and hoping that they think you look normal??  

Forced small talk.

Searching for common ground.

Probing lifestyle and morals and family values without sounding nosy...

You don't do that???  Liar :)

There is a playground I take Will to pretty often.  I typically go alone, sometimes I'll offer invites to friends on this side of town, but with "busy mom" scheduling, I typically go alone.

I have no problem going alone, I bring a book, catch up on correspondence, and try to find another mom to chat with.

The latter is mostly unsuccessful. 

But today, I met a really sweet person who I think I have a lot in common with!  I've been fooled before, but I have a good feeling today!  We've already set up a play date for next Thursday.  

I can't wait.

A teeny bit of plagurism...

This post is a bit long, but SO worth reading.  If you have kids, of any age, I found it very refreshing, encouraging and reassuring.

momastery.com/blog

Also, I think it explains why I find a sleeping toddler infinitely more precious than a sleeping baby...

jAnUAry!!!

Side by side 24 weeks

So I can't find my journal that I kept with Will recording my weight, symptoms etc, but I'm really sure that I am just SO much bigger this time around.  I've heard it's very normal, so I guess that's ok.

Here is a picture of me in 2008:

And now:

Happy New Year!!

Is this not the sweetest little baby new year you've ever seen??

Merry Christmas...a few weeks ago

Well well well.

Another Christmas has come and gone, and it was fantastic!  Every year older that Will gets, it gets a little more fun.

 

We flew to Arizona to spend some time with our family and both the weather and company were amazing.

This is Will taking a spin on Samaw's walker!!  Don't let her heavy coat fool you, it was about 68 degrees out here!

Christmas morning did not disappoint.  Will can recognize his name somewhat, so his job of passing out presents soon turned into, sifting through the presents and only pulling out the ones with his name on to open!!  

There were lots of big hits, everyone felt spoiled rotten by naptime :)

Next year we're looking forward to celebrating with one more.  Please pray for our precious baby girl, I've got about 15 weeks left!