For this child I have prayed.

I Samuel 1:27

I love it when I see this verse snippet on birth announcements, on walls of nurseries or anywhere else.  I think most of us pray for our children, pray to have them, pray for them to be healthy, to have a relationship with God, the list is literally endless.

But in I Samuel, Hannah prayed.  She prayed for years.  In that culture, her friends didn't assume, oh, she's focused on her career right now, they'll have kids later.  Or, they are just really enjoying the couple-y time of their marriage, they're going to wait a few years.  No, back then, everyone who knew Hannah, knew she was barren.  They figured she or her family had done something to displease God and he had simply closed her womb.  She was a freak, an outsider, she no longer had anything in common with any other women in town.  Hannah felt alone.  She felt she had failed her husband despite his sweet words telling her otherwise.

Then one year, Eli heard her prayer, prayed on her behalf, and the Lord Almighty used this barren woman to fulfill his will.  She finally gave birth to a boy named Samuel.  

In our Sunday school class we talked about how God meets us at our shortcomings.  What we consider weaknesses and failings, He uses to His glory.  How else could God truly shine but to take things that are broken by human standards and make miracles appear from them?  

We all have barren times in our life.  We have days that we think we can't go on.  But if we let God, he will use those times to not only draw us closer to Him, but to draw in others as well.

Almost a year ago today I lost a little baby.  My second.  And while I am great-big-pregnant right now, I had a moment today where the sadness washed over me and tears came to my eyes remembering that night, all the emotions, all the horrible feelings.  One thing sticks out, I remember the nurse I was on the phone with praying with me.  She was so comforting.  She had lost a baby once too and she prayed with me.  Words so specific to what I felt inside, no one else could have known.  

I spent the next 6 months grieving and praying.  Not sure if I'd be able to pick myself up again if the unthinkable were to occur again.

Then one night while driving home alone, and praying, I felt this confidence.  I was all in.  If God would bless me with another pregnancy, I would rely on others.  I would ask for prayers.  I would be hopeful and not fearful.  I would push the what-ifs away and focus on the hope.  

Where I can't, God can.

I believe God has used my "barren" period of time to His Glory.  My faith has increased, my relationships have increased.  I have been able to make myself more vulnerable than ever before.  AND, I have been blessed enough to be that voice on the other end of the line.  I have been that shoulder, and I plan to be for the rest of my life.  I thank God profusely for that.  

So having said all of this, the inspiration of this passage, not to mention countless other "broken" people that God has made stronger through their human weaknesses, we are going to name our daughter Hannah Louise.  A tribute to 2 amazing women.  More on Louise later :)